


fun facts

by bellamyklaus



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom, Marauders - Fandom
Genre: Harry Potter - Freeform, M/M, Marauders, Modern AU, jily, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-12-10
Packaged: 2020-07-10 04:41:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19899991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellamyklaus/pseuds/bellamyklaus
Summary: Sirius is a dumbass and Remus is a smartassanother cheesy text au for the soul





	1. lily gave me your number

monday 8:28 pm

unknown: did you know that the yolk of a flamingo egg is pink? 

sirius: i actually did know that  
sirius: did you know pig have 30 minute organism  
sirius: orgasms*

unknown: i... wish i didn’t know that but now i do.  
unknown: organisms

sirius: pennies cost more than 1 cent to make

unknown: well i figured that 

sirius: The medical name for a butt crack is “intergluteal cleft”  
sirius: Female kangaroos have three vaginas  
sirius: The Romans used to clean and whiten their teeth with urine apparently it works  
sirius: whale dicks are called dorks  
sirius: i am in fact the hottest man alive

unknown: i feel like i’m being attacked  
unknown: i also feel like that last one is an opinion. lily warned me you might say something like that 

sirius: how dare you i’m absolutely beautiful  
sirius: you know my dear lillian? 

unknown: i’m sure you are  
unknown: yeah we run the lgbt club together

sirius: OH i remember her trying to get me to join that 

unknown: why didn’t you? 

sirius: i have a life 

unknown: ouch  
unknown: i’m remus by the way 

sirius: don’t take it to heart, by life i mean im always finding new ways to annoy someone 

remus: oh, beautiful 

sirius: well, it was nice meeting you but i must get my beauty sleep

remus: night sirius 

——

tuesday 8:38 am

sirius: wait why did lily give you my number 

remus: idk she gave it to me a few days ago saying i need more friends and you’d be perfect 

sirius: oh she’s right i am pretty cool  
sirius: well since we’re gonna be friends, i didn’t know flamingo yolks are pink 

remus: so you’re already lying to me? 

sirius: i’m sorry 

remus: i must.. go..

sirius: dont leave me!!!!!!! 

remus: well i have to take a test

sirius: oh.  
sirius: very well, mcgonagall is upset i’m not paying attention anyways

——

tuesday 2:37 pm

sirius: i’m back from school :) 

remus: congrats i’ve been done for hours 

sirius: what the fuck school do you go to? 

remus: home school high  
remus: it’s small but the lunches are pretty good

sirius: oh wow  
sirius: i’d rather cut off my leg than be home schooled 

remus: well then 

sirius: i go to hogwarts

remus: whats that like

sirius: well i don’t really like it but prongs make it alright 

remus: prongs? interesting  
remus: i have chores to do gtg

sirius: buh bye

— —

tuesday 2:50

remus: idk ab this lily 

lily: about?  
lily: OH SIRIUS  
lily: give it time 

remus: how much time 

lily: how long have you been talking?

remus: a few times since yesterday

lilly: thats... that’s not enough time to judge someone

remus: fair enough, but i have to go clean 

lilly: okie, sirius is a good guy just give him time

— — 

thursday 6:30pm

remus: i have a personal question 

sirius: go on 

remus: so like you said lily tried to stop you to join the lgbt club. are you gay or? 

sirius: i’m gay  
sirius: you? 

remus: i’m non-binary gay :) 

sirius: nice  
sirius: are you out to your family? 

remus: yes since i was 13. you? 

sirius: holy moly  
sirius: but yea 

remus: i see. well it seems we’re getting into sensitive territory. so tell me your zodiac 

sirius: i’m not sure

remus: WHAT  
remus: whats ur birthday? 

sirius: november 3rd

remus: Scorpio 

sirius: coolio  
sirius: what are you? 

remus: Pisces  
remus: hold on i’m gonna look up our compatibility  
remus: were an 81% match overall 

sirius: nice, i know nothing about zodiacs 

remus: you’re lying 

sirius: how do you know? 

remus: i-  
remus: your name 

sirius: you got me. i know a lot about astrology it run in the family

remus: you lied to me again. 

sirius: that won’t break our 81%

— — 

friday 4:28 am

remus: i fell asleep sorry

— —

friday 9:40 

sirius: well while you’re waiting up at 4am i’m up date for school

sirius: late**

remus: well? get to school

sirius: im trying 

remus: stop texting me and i’ll believe you

— — 

saturday 1:28pm

remus when i said stop texting me i didn’t mean all day


	2. twilight is a sophisticated film

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sirius black: so you... read for fun?

monday 4:30pm

sirius: well don’t say that if you don’t want me to take you... siriusly  
sirius: but magoo took my phone in class and kept it for the weekend.

remus: did you just.. pun your own name  
remus: well isn’t that rude

sirius: it was punny  
sirius: i would usually call it a hate crime if it was any other teacher but magoo is *wipes tear* the woman of my dreams  
sirius: i’ll wok her heart one day

remus: aren’t you gay?

sirius: she’s the acceptation

remus: i see  
remus: well, what did you do over the weekend

sirius: mostly worked on my motorcycle. i made out w a guy at a party and jumped into the pool from the balcony. lily was disappointed, james was pleased

remus: ahh a new name

sirius: ?

remus: james

sirius: OH no prongs = james same person

remus: nice, why prongs

sirius: he had deer fake antlers glued to his wall the first time i came to his house

remus: that’s kinda terrifying tho

sirius: his mom made us get rid of them bc we took them off a sword fought with them

remus: and that’s kinda beautiful  
remus: does it have a name for you

sirius: padfood, he says i act like a dog

remus: how so?

sirius: he says i’m loyal and annoying like one they’re also my favorite animal

remus: oh

sirius: what’s your favorite animal?

remus: i have a bearded dragon named Stuart

sirius: you have a bearded dragon and didn’t name it after drogon? disrespectful

remus: who...?

sirius: daenerys targaryen

remus: i’ll pretend i know who that is

sirius: Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen,First of Her Name, the Unburnt, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea,Breaker of Chains, and Mother of Dragons  
sirius: Game of Thrones

remus: oh. i’m not good with blood and violence

sirius: oh yea then not your show  
sirius: what do you do for fun

remus: read mostly

sirius: you... read for fun?

remus: yeah

sirius: oh god i’m gonna teach you how to have fun

remus: you’re so rude

sirius: yeah well

— —

frieday 1:38am

sirius: twilight is a sophisticated film, i’m not even gonna call it a movie

remus: just for that, never talk to me again.

sirius: not a twilight fan?

sirius: team jacob or edward?

remus: none. they both suck

sirius: i’m more of the alice fan. bella and alice would’ve been a lot better ending

sirius: a total plot twist remus:

sirius. shut up

sirius: black

remus: what?

sirius: that’s my last name

sirius: since we’re on the topic of twilight and you seem like you wanna scold me

remus: sirius black, never talk about twilight to me ever again. it fills me with a rage i can’t even describe

remus: also jacob black and sirius black sitting in a tree

remus: but alice and bella would’ve been a total power move i’ll give you that

sirius: and edward x emmet

sirius: and fuck u

remus: yea we’re done here

sirius: baby come back!

sirius: please i’m like delirious i haven’t slept in so long

sirius: coffee is what.. i need.. to achieve

remus: you need sleep

sirius: don’t be silly

sirius: i need to think of your a name

remus: what about... remus? i like it

sirius: you fool, i mean a nickname like prongs and lilipad

remus: i don’t trust you enough to do that yet

sirius: tell me about yourself

sirius: i need the facts

sirius: remusss

sirius: you sleep?

sirius: i’ll give you a kiss to answer ;)

remus: suddenly i’m homophobic

sirius: rudee

— — saturday 2:18 pm

sirius: i am... terribly sorry.

— — saturday 3:32pm

remus: it’s all good, i was entertained remus: we had a lgbt meeting today, we all decided we’re gonna do a do a bake sale sirius: for what?

remus: we aren’t quite sure what charity but it’s obviously gonna be a lgbt one sirius: i see

— —  
saturday 3:58pm

sirius: mcgonagall

lily: she’s a wonderful teacher?

sirius: no she houses lgbt who’ve been kicked out  
sirius: remus told me about the bake sale. mrs. potter already said she’d bake a few batches of cookies if you want

lily: oh, wonderful!! thank you!  
lily: are you and remus getting along good?

sirius: yeah he’s cool

lily: good, he’s a great friend and has a sweet soul

sirius: he has a hatred for twilight like no other

lily: as he should


	3. betrayal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sirius hates tea

monday 1:37 pm  
sirius: i just realized something and i feel like a total dick

remus: what is it

sirius: i remember you telling me you’re non-binary but i never asked ur pronouns and i called you he to lily but she called you he too so i wanted to ask

remus: i use he him and they them. i don’t have a preference you’re good

sirius: okay, i was just checking

remus: well thank you

sirius: tell me facts about you

remus: i love tea, books, tiny plants, and sweaters

sirius: i hate tea

remus: you monster

remus: not to be dramatic but i feel betrayed

sirius: you’re joking right...

remus: obviously

sirius: okay

sirius: well i like weed, tv shows, my motorcycle, and pretty boys

remus: wonderful remus: motorcycle looks like we got a badass on our hands

sirius: indeed

— —

friday 1:28am

sirius: if... sirius: i put a knife in the toaster what happens?

remus: dear god

remus: don’t do it unless it’s unplugged

sirius: yeah almost little too late for that sirius: i almost went ZAP

remus: please don’t burn your house down

sirius: not my house

sirius: party

remus: oh no even worse 


	4. Chapter 4

saturday 3:18 pm

sirius: the house didn’t burn down  
sirius: but i imagine peters mom is pissed 

remus: i would be too  
remus: were you having fun? 

sirius: yeah, i need coffee tho  
sirius: i feel like rue off euphoria when she filtered coffe though the water part in the coffee machine 

remus: that sounds like a dumb idea but also absolutely genius 

sirius: it was  
sirius: speaking of shows. i have one i think you’d like

remus: go on 

sirius: anne with an e. it’s mellow but really good

remus: oh nice  
remus: i looked it up it has books and a movie i’m gonna do it in order 

sirius: of course you are  
sirius: but tell me how they are 

remus: i will 

—

monday 8:18 pm

sirius: i thought of you  
[picture of starry sky attacked]

remus: you’re so romantical 

sirius: ROMANTICAL? 

remus: yeah, i looked into the books and i decided to watch the show. i’m almost done with season one 

sirius: do you lien it  
sirius: like* 

remus: your typos kill me  
remus: i like it so far. anne is my favorite 

sirius: i like cole <3 m


End file.
